Friday, September 19, 2014

Tears of a Dream

It was the saddest I've ever had. The girl whom I love the most shed tears in me, both reality and dream. My love for her had been both strong in dream and reality too. It all started when......

I was walking her down the road from my parents' house on one normal night. It seems everything was fine. We stopped by the bus stop down the road and waited. Many cars and busses were passing by. That road never had been so busy.

A bus came recklessly towards us. And the next thing happened was the bus knocked her and she flew off falling down into a wide drainage by the roadside walkway. Somehow, I escaped from the crash.

I could not breathe in that moment after the crash. I quickly ran to her and saw she was badly injured with injuries at the head and arm. Her arm was bleeding nonstop. I tried moving her to a resting position while pressing on her arm to suppress further bleeding. I believe she was half conscious that time. I shouted to the public to dial for the ambulance.

The next thing that I know, we were home while she was on the need with untreated injuries. I do not know why are we home and neither do I know what took the ambulance so long. Many hours past, and I call her mom. Her mom answered. She started the conversation knowing that her daughter had already left me, advicing me to let go off the relationship. I then spoke and told her what happened hours ago and where her daughter is now. Then, it went silent.

I got back to her and she bleed much lesser than before. Still, the ambulance was nowhere to be seen. Now that I'm awake, I realized why did we not send her to hospital by car instead of waiting? That was just a dream. It doesn't require logic.

She opened her eyes and looked at me. My eyes were tearful and she seems very much stronger than I was. At that very moment, her condition seems better. The dream ended there, before the ambulance arrive.

Do you need a dream to make you realize how important a person is to you? Even if you realized, what can you do?

Friday, September 5, 2014

The Past

I do not know them anymore. Both the guy and the girl. They seemed really happy in the past but nothing lasts. Love? Happiness? None will last.

Life is like leaving on the street now. Nothing more to look forward to. Everyday just barely surviving to see tomorrow's sunlight. Where has the ambition gone to? The target of life?

In the past, I've always been looking forward to start a family with her. Shower them with the best I can provide. At least, there is something to look forward to everyday. There is an aim to save money and work harder from day to day. But now? What is life?

People say when you lose a tree, there is still a forest. Although I have lost her, my love will always be with that tree. Seven months passed and certain things have not changed.

Little did she realized that I'm already non-existence.

Friday, August 29, 2014

Temperament is Nothing

When she does not know how I feel, she won't know how am I. I drink now like almost every night I've gone through the past six months. What did she realized about me? One weak guy who can't let go of past love.

Great. That's what I would wish her to think. To think that I'm a useless guy so that I can fall further deeper down the well while she realized I'm a useless guy and find another guy. Her happiness is my priority no matter what am I.

My last words here, I wish her all the best. Nothing can change the fact now. She doesn't love me anymore and I had to leave. Goodbye. I love you Sweetheart.

Sunday, August 24, 2014

Goodbye

Today was the start of the end. A sacrifice I decided that I will bear regardless of whatever happens in future. I've disabled Facebook and Instagram. Which also means i will no longer have access to these. What's next? WhatsApp?

Nobody really knows how hurt I was throughout these six months. Acting is just tiring. I love her so much but situation had ended this way. With full respect to her, I'm withdrawing myself from her world. The world I once stood with her for almost half my life.

To complete her resume today before passing to her was simply a moment of recalling our past. The yester-years of her education and work experience. I will no longer be the guy who will be fetching her home from school, office or anywhere. Remembering the past, she was the first girl who sat in my car when I was excited on the first day receiving my first car.

Well, everything has an end. So does the story of us both. I miss her. I love her always and forever. Goodbye dear.

I love you Chua Pei Wen.
hwphan.

Bon Jovi - Thank You For Loving Me: http://youtu.be/_9wKi1keg8g

Monday, July 21, 2014

Koh Samui With Love

Anyway, today I held her hands while wandering on the roads. I admit that it was a force attempt by me. At that very moment, i'm no longer someone she always wanted to hold. I know. But I love her. Now, I do know that loving is a sin. Eventually, she will be someone else's wife and I still love her.

Life is full of depression.

Sunday, July 20, 2014

A Big No.

One phrase.

Parenthood, is something I can never achieve. :)