Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Penang, A Year Ago

Penang, the island of much memories. I've been to Penang countless time over the past years. Mostly alone but I do have several time I came with companions.

This time, my work involved a project based in Balik Pulau. I travel back and forth from Georgetown to Balik Pulau everyday. Everyday passing by the Air Itam route gave me memories. I have to admit, I was deeply sadden that it can only remain as memories and nothing can be done to reproduce it.

I've came here with both my beloved woman and family on separate occasions. We went to Balik Pulau for laksa and went also durian midway. The view from the durian stalls overlooking the flat land below and sea was simply magnificent put together her company that time. I will not forget that moment and it will only resurface every time I come penang.

This time in Penang, I am staying at Amernian Suite. In front this boutique hotel is a place I was with her last year. We came to find the infamous "minion" street pole then. It's at a valley directly opposite the place I'm staying. Next to it was a stall selling flavored ice ball that I once purchased for her before boarding the ferry back to mainland Malaysia.

Everything was so clear in my mind and it was as though as it has been engraved in my brain. I miss her. Why do she wants to end moment like this?

If it wasn't the end, I have plan to marry her by next year end. And here I thought my planning was thoughtful enough but apparently not. I am suffering deeply from day one till now. I really miss her. I love her.

Sunday, December 7, 2014

Forever Alone As She Always Hinted Me

I'm now living in a world of my own. People call this stubbornness. Others call it stupidity. Some call it faithfulness. So what do you think it is?

I still love her. Today and forever. What have I done? Being a gentleman is not good enough? Being a guy who doesn't force her for self interest is not good enough? To love her more than myself is not good enough? To plan out life in advance is not good enough? She did love me and I believe she really did. But now she doesn't. How does it even matter now? She has left me.

To be honest, I'm not the worst guy out there. I do find myself above average as a companion if not the best. But somehow, relationship is not just commitment and complementing each and other. Very often, the feeling of love masked the entire relationship. No matter how good a person is, if she doesn't love you anymore, it's the end. I've came to realize this but realizing is a thing from escaping it.

The fact is that I still love her very much. I will just fall deeper into the realm of self illusion as the days pass..