The Long Awaited

Dear,

The day has finally come. Her convocation day after for years of varsity days is held this weekend. She looks absolutely stunning in the graduation robe. Exactly what I could imagine years ago.

But I am nowhere to be there. This day was a very important day to me. To see her graduating, reaching a new milestone in life after all her hard work and all we've gone through from high school to pre-u then university. I was part of every of these phase in her life. But, I do not get to attend her convocation. Being the best day for her, it is also the hardest day for me.

While she doesn't want me to be part of her, I must admit that I still love her until today. Sometimes, things will never fade. Like this love. I guess she will never know but for me to bury this love together with me under the tombstone one fine day. Sadly, nothing can be done.

I kept dreaming about her. Last night, I had a series of dream about her. While I was in her home helping her family, she was out on a holiday. But I avoided her when she returns home. I know its not wise for her to face me. Something she will feel very uncomfortable.

But it's true that I can now only see the girl I love from afar. I can only imagine my future with her but not any other girls. Never was and never will. But all she may think at the end of the day is that I love her because I won't be able to get another girl. Well, her view will always stay with her. Little did she know that I've also avoided such intention from another girl during this period of time.

I love her.

With Regret,
Ray Phan

Where Rainbows End

"You deserve someone who loves you with every single beat of his heart, someone who thinks about you constantly, someone who spends every minute of every day just wondering what you’re doing, where you are, who you’re with, and if you’re OK. You need someone who can help you reach your dreams and protect you from your fears. You need someone who will treat you with respect, love every part of you, especially your flaws. You should be with someone who could make you happy, really happy, dancing on air happy."

                            Cecelia Ahern, Love, Rosie

I was on a premier screening of a novel adapted movie by the author Cecilia Ahern, 'Where Rainbows End'.

A gift for her knowing she loves novels from this particular author. But I didn't know the storyline until I watched the movie which probably abstracted most part from the novel. Overall it was a good movie with touching storyline yet somehow infused with comedy essence in several scenes.

I would want to message her to spare time to watch this movie knowing she loves the novel so much. But I know I am not in the situation to tell.

We do not know love until we lose it. All I can say, it's all a diversion to life now. The other end of the rainbow may not seem so colorful anymore.

The Meaning of Life

Times when you have neither a destination nor journey. Times when commitment is no longer meaningful. What do you get from a commitment? When you love someone so deeply only to know that you are nothing in this world.

A family means nothing anymore. Merely just a dream unreachable. The fantasy family I always had in mind with the girl I love. It's all in the mind.

Things could have been better before hand. But her decision to end this has put the greatest impact to life. I am nowhere now. Just lost. Lost in trust, commitment, time, love, hope and life. Just a total lost.

Good bless me. Please put an end. Life is now a downfall. :)