The Deep Fall

Today, I've discovered a big mistake that I've made in work back in Dec 2013. Two years passed and there isn't anything I can do now. Evidence seems to prove me in wrong and I've to admit that it was very likely my mistake back then.

I'm at the lowest point of my career and i have nothing to hold on now. Nothing in me can change anything now. I just feel like giving up life. What can I do?

I needed you at this very moment. I hope to have you to be by my side like how we used to be. But things have changed. I am getting weaker day by day. It is hard now. Is this how far I can reach in life?

The Cruise of Life

Today when I'm writing this, the days of cruise has just passed. There was no network signal on international water as expected.

The cruise was just ordinary. One thing I do enjoy was puffing on the windy top deck of the cruise looking over the Andaman sea. Having to say that, it was a pure bliss that I don't experience it in kl.

Getting down at Phuket and Krabi however gave me flashback the time when I was in Koh Samui with her. Like I said before, the trip to Koh Samui was supposingly to be a pre-wedding trip with her in order to have better photoshoots to be displayed

There was a couple game on the last night of the cruise. It was funny yet sensitive for me. Three couples were supposed to answer 5 questions with their answers match to their respective spouse. Among the questions were like, when and where you first met? When was your first date? These questions ran across my mind and dug out a significant portion of my memory. I do remember we met at the train station for the very first time. Our first date was at Mid Valley in Tony Roma's to celebrate Valentine's day.

I still miss her regardless of what she thinks. I've became the worst of myself recently and will continue to fall even deeper knowing the path I'm taking now.

False Alarm

Today when I woke up to the sunrise, I knew the hours before were fake.

It was a party? House warming? Chinese new year house visit? I'm not too sure. But it was the time when I was with her. I do remember her 3rd aunt was somewhere in the picture too. I miss her. As I was busy with something which I don't remember so well, I managed to approach her. I held her arms and soft hands while she responded by leaning on me. It was exactly how it was like before. I can feel that she loves me so much and without any doubt, I gave her the impression that I do love her more than ever. Which I really do.

Sometimes sunrise isn't a gifted power of nature given that it marks the end of my happy moments. Whether it is real or fake, if doesn't really matter anymore. My life is now bad enough. A false happiness will certainly help.

The Better Guy But Not Quite So

Being her boyfriend for the past years was not just about having her by my side. It was very much into treating her the best and finding the balance of time to be well spent together. By saying so, I've tried many ways to provide her every amenities that she needed. I've also tried to find chance to get closer to her family while bringing her closer to mine too. I love her. It's just natural for me to do so.

Despite saying that, every man has a weakness. I've also not lived up to her expectation. There are several to say about this.

Being her boyfriend, I've also not done something to her that was against her will. I respect her. But to much of this avail, the better I do, the greater I fall. Today, she is no longer my girlfriend. But she will stay in my heart for the rest of my life.

I was just trying to be a good boyfriend.

The End of a Journey

We've gone through this far. Supporting you in the past 10 years has been a memorable journey that we both experienced so much that we could write a story of endless pages. The happy time, the down time, and even time when we were not together yet missing each another from a distance.

She has graduated and I had to step aside. I was supposed to be the happiest man for her graduation. Not that I'm not, but I m feeling very disappointed and sad for not being the man with her on this important day.

I miss her every moment and presence in my life. I love her. Yesterday was one of the happiest day in my life. It was also one of the saddest day in my life. Sometimes, I'm not just being stubborn and refuse to let go this feeling. But nobody understands. I love her. I still love her.

If I was weak, I would have already jump.