2015

So the start of 2015 was not as good as it should be.

The shadow and ghost of 2014 still haunt me and depression grows even greater. When u see a man like Robin William laughs, nobody expects such strong force of depression in him. Like many things, a book can't be judge by it's cover.

I still miss and love her from the day I first met her. It is really sad until today I still can't let go off her even after moving to a brand new year. I love her for the rest of my life. Very often, I feel very sad when I do see lovely couples getting married, seeing adorable young children with their parents complete as a whole family. My once dream of life is now shattered. I know I can never accept another girl to replace her.

Today, I've just realized all these while, I've never scold her before in the relationship. I've never ask much from her but tried to be by her side and protect her all the time. Of course I do admit that there are few occasions that I've failed. I deeply regretted but knowing her gave me the best 10 years of my life. But why does it need to end?

I am now nobody but someone who is buried deep down by depression. I love her. If one day I ever leave, I hope the love stays.

I don't know what I want. I'm not expecting to be back together because I know she doesn't love me anymore. I don't want her to be unhappy. But this will only mean that I will be continuing the way I am now for the rest of my life or at least until I leave.