Last night or rather this morning, I've only slept for 1.5 hours. Consequences of severe depression that lead to chronic insomnia. What have I been doing? The drive to Penang today was almost an endless journey requiring me to have stopped for two short naps. The drive overall took 5 hours today which I normally only take only 3.5 hours.
Back to this morning sleep, although it was a short 90 minutes sleep, it has brought some happiness in me. At the very least delusional happiness. At that very moment, I really wished that I do not need to wake up and continue wrapped in the delusional image of my mind. At least, it was far better than reality. I dreamt that she accepted me back. Something that will never happen in reality.
I've known for the fact that I exhibit strong symptoms of delusional disorder. Living alone in my newly house (which my plan to be OUR home) has further sink me deep into the delusional world of my own. I just love her too much. I've always believed love and obsession have very clear cut definition to keep them apart. It was just pure love.
I've seen her posting in Facebook over the past few weeks and I'm happy to see how much she is enjoying life without me attached. The true freedom of what most people called. But, nobody knows how much I suffer. Such painful suffering resulted to insomnia, depression, denial, and delusional disorder. I knew very Mich earlier that I will go through and stuck in this for the rest of my life. But, what can I do? I love her.
I still love her until today. And always.
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